Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
