I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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