its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
