My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
