If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
