Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
40s are totally the cure
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
