he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am available for nakedness
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
