Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
