i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
