You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
