So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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