we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize