New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
