I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
