obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
