Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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