filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lo siento on account of my penis...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
