One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
