I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
