were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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