Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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