people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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