i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
