oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
