you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
