you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
