time to smoke my breakfast
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
