Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
