Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
