I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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