tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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