hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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