I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
