we have officially lost it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
