we're making bets on your personal life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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