the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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