PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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