i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
