You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
