I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
