Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
