I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
