whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
