You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
