we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
did i just pee glitter
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
