im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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