He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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