How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
