morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
