I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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