This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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