I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
