Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
