Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
