Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize