She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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