thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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