their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
