Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
