Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
