there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
