absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
