i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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