She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
