Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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