I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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