there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I could fuck to npr.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
