What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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