how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
