I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
