you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize