I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
