Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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