JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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