i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
