I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
