I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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