How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw a hot homeless man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
