so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
